Marriage is a wonderful but challenging institution. It is supposed to be built on trust and honesty, but infidelity does occur — and it can be devastating. That holds true for financial infidelity, too: Maybe one partner racks up a major amount of debt without disclosing it, or each spouse is keeping a secret account “just in case.” When this kind of behavior takes root and is then exposed, it can do serious harm to a union.
But if financial infidelity in marriage occurs, it doesn’t necessarily mean the partnership is on the rocks. In fact, with the right approach, a marriage can emerge even stronger. Read on to find out:
• What is financial infidelity?
• What are the warning signs of financial infidelity?
• How can you prevent financial infidelity?
• How can you recover from financial infidelity?
What Is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity occurs when one person in a relationship hides, manipulates, or falsifies information about their financial position, bank accounts, or transactions. The problem can be unintentional to start with but then grow into a significant problem with severe detriment to the relationship.
For example, one spouse may offer to take care of the bills and the finances, and the other spouse trusts them to be responsible. However, the spouse who pays the bills may begin to spend excessively unbeknownst to their partner. They might spend on clothing, stocks, expensive meals out, or any other expense. The result of these splurges could do harm to both partners’ finances, even though only one is aware of it and responsible for it.
What Are Some Common Examples of Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity can occur in a variety of situations; whether both spouses work or one doesn’t, or whether they have joint vs. separate bank accounts. There’s no one main type.
Here’s a closer look at the different forms of financial infidelity that can occur in a marriage.
Spending Money in Secret
As mentioned above, if one partner splurges and keeps that secret, it can be a form of financial infidelity. This can impact a couple’s shared goals, such as saving for a down payment on a house. Some couples may establish how much they can each spend without having to consult the other. This can help keep the finances fair and avoid this kind of secret spending.
Hiding Debt From One Another
Not disclosing debt to a partner is dishonest and can negatively impact both spouses. For joint bank accounts and credit cards, both partners are equally liable for any debt. For this reason, it’s wise if couples discuss their financial situation early in their relationship, before they enter into a financial partnership to avoid any surprises later on.
Hiding Accounts From One Another
Some people may hide bank accounts from their partners, perhaps considering it their secret “mad money” on the side. While spouses don’t need to know everything about each other’s lives, being transparent about finances helps ensure you’re on the same page, working toward the same goals.
Lying About Income
A spouse might disclose that their income is lower than it really is. They may then use the difference for their own purposes, rather than for shared goals.
Earn up to 3.80% APY with a high-yield savings account from SoFi.
No account or monthly fees. No minimum balance.
9x the national average savings account rate.
Up to $3M of additional FDIC insurance.
Sort savings into Vaults, auto save with Roundups.
Why Do People Commit Financial Infidelity?
There is no one reason why people lie about finances in a marriage, but many do. According to a December 2023 Bankrate survey, 42 percent of adults who are married or living with a partner have kept a financial secret from their mate. Here are three possible explanations.
• Embarrassment. An individual who has financial difficulties might be ashamed to disclose their financial circumstances when they marry or live with another person. So rather than confess, they hide their debt, say, or a salary that’s lower than they said it was.
• Revenge. In an unhappy relationship, one partner may tap into shared wealth to exact revenge or punish the other. This behavior, known as “revenge spending,” can increase debt (particularly credit card debt) and put a couple’s finances in a precarious situation.
• Emotional issues. One spouse may have an addiction or psychological problem that causes them to act irresponsibly with money. For example, they might have compulsive buying behavior (CBB; which some people refer to as a shopping addiction), bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or a gambling addiction.
Recommended: Common Money Fights
What Are the Effects of Financial Infidelity?
The most immediate effect of discovering financial infidelity is probably loss of trust. The longer-term consequences can be financial difficulties and, ultimately, divorce. Here’s a closer look:
• Loss of Trust. When one person in a relationship or marriage withholds, hides, or misconstrues information, they abuse the trust that the person places in them.
• Financial Difficulties. If one partner has hidden their debt or another financial minefield from the other, it can cause problems for their shared finances. They may both experience cash flow issues and have trouble paying bills and saving for the future.
• Lower Credit Score. Acting irresponsibly with money, failing to pay bills, or falling deeper into debt will likely cause a lower credit score for the parties involved.
• Divorce. The problems that result from financial infidelity can lead to separation and divorce.
Tips for How to Deal with Financial Infidelity
Can a marriage survive these kinds of money problems? In all likelihood, yes, provided both partners are committed to moving ahead together. Learning how to work together, and spotting early signs of trouble can help.
Watch for Signs
Look out for signs that your spouse’s financial management is suspect. For example, are they unwilling to discuss financial issues? Have you noticed a sudden change in your spouse’s spending? Do you suspect your spouse is hiding information about their finances or lying about money?
If you cannot ask questions and get an honest answer about your marital finances, there is a problem to address.
Keep Tabs on Your Finances
Keeping an eye on your finances will help you recognize problems and tackle them immediately. Do you notice that your spouse isn’t contributing to your retirement account anymore? Are you falling behind on bills and struggling to catch up? These are signals that something has changed.
Get Involved
If one spouse has been holding the purse strings, it’s probably time for that to change. A marriage is an equal partnership, and both partners should play a role in managing the finances. It’s not fair for one partner to bear all the financial responsibility and decision-making. Getting involved is also a good way to stay informed about your shared finances.
If financial infidelity has occurred, you and your partner have options. You might work it out between the two of you, or you might consult a couples counselor, try financial planning, or see a financial therapist (which combines interpersonal and money advice).
Tips for Preventing Financial Infidelity
There are steps you can take to help avoid financial infidelity in a marriage and repair missteps. A good place to start is for both partners to have a clear picture of each other’s financial position and their spending habits from the outset. But it’s never too late to sit down (with or without a financial advisor) and develop a plan for managing finances and building wealth. Here, some tactics to try:
Have Frequent Meetings
Agree to meet with your spouse regularly to discuss finances. It could be weekly at first as you get into a rhythm, sort out bank accounts and bills, develop a plan and commit to money goals, and create a budget. But once you are on sound footing with a system, the meetings could be less frequent, perhaps monthly.
Share Responsibilities of Finances
Use the meetings to hold each other accountable. Discuss how decisions should be made on purchases. How are you going to save toward retirement? Decide who will be responsible for what when it comes to the finances, but ensure that both of you are involved.
Communicate All Financials
Review everything — mortgage or rent payments, joint bank accounts, individual bank accounts, credit card payments, car loans, insurance, savings and investments, liens, and credit scores. If both of you have a clear picture of your financial situation, it’s easier to come up with ideas for cutting costs or making financial decisions.
Create a Joint Budget
Try budgeting as a couple rather than having two separate budgets. Once you have a basic spending and saving plan in place, do your best to stick to it — and be honest when you don’t. A household budget is unlikely to do its job if members of the household overspend or hide information. If spouses can start working together toward a common goal, trust can be established or, after an instance of financial infidelity, rebuilt.
Recommended: Is a Joint Account Right for You?
Address Any Issues
As the two of you go over the finances, issues are bound to arise. And money can be a very charged topic. Do your best to discuss things calmly. If one person gets defensive, consider taking a break and resuming the meeting at a later time. If you are guilty of financial infidelity, admit it, apologize, and use this as an opportunity to get back on track.
Can a marriage survive financial infidelity? Yes, it can. But each spouse must be open to working through the problem, repairing the damage, adopting a forgiving attitude, and moving forward with transparency and trust.
The Takeaway
Financial matters can be a leading cause of divorce. While partners do have the right and the need for some privacy, financial infidelity is a serious issue. If one partner is hiding money, debt, or income information from the other, it can feel like betrayal and can negatively impact both spouse’s financial futures.
Financial infidelity does not, however, have to mark the end of a marriage. It can be the start of a stronger commitment to work together toward achieving your shared financial goals.
Interested in opening an online bank account? When you sign up for a SoFi Checking and Savings account with direct deposit, you’ll get a competitive annual percentage yield (APY), pay zero account fees, and enjoy an array of rewards, such as access to the Allpoint Network of 55,000+ fee-free ATMs globally. Qualifying accounts can even access their paycheck up to two days early.
FAQ
Can marriages survive financial infidelity?
A marriage can survive financial infidelity if both partners are committed to rebuilding the trust that has been lost. This requires accepting responsibility. Going forward, both partners need to develop a plan to communicate openly and regularly about finances and to work toward mutual goals. Lastly, both should play a part in managing finances.
Is financial infidelity a leading cause of divorce?
Money is often cited as one of the leading causes of stress in a marriage and one that can lead to divorce. Money touches every aspect of our lives and dictates how we live, so it is an extremely sensitive and personal topic, which can trigger major issues in a relationship.
Is financial infidelity the same as cheating?
Financial infidelity can have the same impact as an affair; both destroy trust in a relationship. Whether one or the other is worse depends on your point of view. Both can be overcome, and trust can be rebuilt with commitment and the right approach.
Photo credit: iStock/Stadtratte
SoFi® Checking and Savings is offered through SoFi Bank, N.A. ©2025 SoFi Bank, N.A. All rights reserved. Member FDIC. Equal Housing Lender.
The SoFi Bank Debit Mastercard® is issued by SoFi Bank, N.A., pursuant to license by Mastercard International Incorporated and can be used everywhere Mastercard is accepted. Mastercard is a registered trademark, and the circles design is a trademark of Mastercard International Incorporated.
SoFi members with Eligible Direct Deposit activity can earn 3.80% annual percentage yield (APY) on savings balances (including Vaults) and 0.50% APY on checking balances. Eligible Direct Deposit means a recurring deposit of regular income to an account holder’s SoFi Checking or Savings account, including payroll, pension, or government benefit payments (e.g., Social Security), made by the account holder’s employer, payroll or benefits provider or government agency (“Eligible Direct Deposit”) via the Automated Clearing House (“ACH”) Network during a 30-day Evaluation Period (as defined below).
Although we do our best to recognize all Eligible Direct Deposits, a small number of employers, payroll providers, benefits providers, or government agencies do not designate payments as direct deposit. To ensure you're earning 3.80% APY, we encourage you to check your APY Details page the day after your Eligible Direct Deposit arrives. If your APY is not showing as 3.80%, contact us at 855-456-7634 with the details of your Eligible Direct Deposit. As long as SoFi Bank can validate those details, you will start earning 3.80% APY from the date you contact SoFi for the rest of the current 30-day Evaluation Period. You will also be eligible for 3.80% APY on future Eligible Direct Deposits, as long as SoFi Bank can validate them.
Deposits that are not from an employer, payroll, or benefits provider or government agency, including but not limited to check deposits, peer-to-peer transfers (e.g., transfers from PayPal, Venmo, etc.), merchant transactions (e.g., transactions from PayPal, Stripe, Square, etc.), and bank ACH funds transfers and wire transfers from external accounts, or are non-recurring in nature (e.g., IRS tax refunds), do not constitute Eligible Direct Deposit activity. There is no minimum Eligible Direct Deposit amount required to qualify for the stated interest rate. SoFi members with Eligible Direct Deposit are eligible for other SoFi Plus benefits.
As an alternative to Direct Deposit, SoFi members with Qualifying Deposits can earn 3.80% APY on savings balances (including Vaults) and 0.50% APY on checking balances. Qualifying Deposits means one or more deposits that, in the aggregate, are equal to or greater than $5,000 to an account holder’s SoFi Checking and Savings account (“Qualifying Deposits”) during a 30-day Evaluation Period (as defined below). Qualifying Deposits only include those deposits from the following eligible sources: (i) ACH transfers, (ii) inbound wire transfers, (iii) peer-to-peer transfers (i.e., external transfers from PayPal, Venmo, etc. and internal peer-to-peer transfers from a SoFi account belonging to another account holder), (iv) check deposits, (v) instant funding to your SoFi Bank Debit Card, (vi) push payments to your SoFi Bank Debit Card, and (vii) cash deposits. Qualifying Deposits do not include: (i) transfers between an account holder’s Checking account, Savings account, and/or Vaults; (ii) interest payments; (iii) bonuses issued by SoFi Bank or its affiliates; or (iv) credits, reversals, and refunds from SoFi Bank, N.A. (“SoFi Bank”) or from a merchant. SoFi members with Qualifying Deposits are not eligible for other SoFi Plus benefits.
SoFi Bank shall, in its sole discretion, assess each account holder’s Eligible Direct Deposit activity and Qualifying Deposits throughout each 30-Day Evaluation Period to determine the applicability of rates and may request additional documentation for verification of eligibility. The 30-Day Evaluation Period refers to the “Start Date” and “End Date” set forth on the APY Details page of your account, which comprises a period of 30 calendar days (the “30-Day Evaluation Period”). You can access the APY Details page at any time by logging into your SoFi account on the SoFi mobile app or SoFi website and selecting either (i) Banking > Savings > Current APY or (ii) Banking > Checking > Current APY. Upon receiving an Eligible Direct Deposit or receipt of $5,000 in Qualifying Deposits to your account, you will begin earning 3.80% APY on savings balances (including Vaults) and 0.50% on checking balances on or before the following calendar day. You will continue to earn these APYs for (i) the remainder of the current 30-Day Evaluation Period and through the end of the subsequent 30-Day Evaluation Period and (ii) any following 30-day Evaluation Periods during which SoFi Bank determines you to have Eligible Direct Deposit activity or $5,000 in Qualifying Deposits without interruption.
SoFi Bank reserves the right to grant a grace period to account holders following a change in Eligible Direct Deposit activity or Qualifying Deposits activity before adjusting rates. If SoFi Bank grants you a grace period, the dates for such grace period will be reflected on the APY Details page of your account. If SoFi Bank determines that you did not have Eligible Direct Deposit activity or $5,000 in Qualifying Deposits during the current 30-day Evaluation Period and, if applicable, the grace period, then you will begin earning the rates earned by account holders without either Eligible Direct Deposit or Qualifying Deposits until SoFi Bank recognizes Eligible Direct Deposit activity or receives $5,000 in Qualifying Deposits in a subsequent 30-Day Evaluation Period. For the avoidance of doubt, an account holder with both Eligible Direct Deposit activity and Qualifying Deposits will earn the rates earned by account holders with Eligible Direct Deposit.
Separately, SoFi members who enroll in SoFi Plus by paying the SoFi Plus Subscription Fee every 30 days can also earn 3.80% APY on savings balances (including Vaults) and 0.50% APY on checking balances. For additional details, see the SoFi Plus Terms and Conditions at https://www.sofi.com/terms-of-use/#plus.
Members without either Eligible Direct Deposit activity or Qualifying Deposits, as determined by SoFi Bank, during a 30-Day Evaluation Period and, if applicable, the grace period, or who do not enroll in SoFi Plus by paying the SoFi Plus Subscription Fee every 30 days, will earn 1.00% APY on savings balances (including Vaults) and 0.50% APY on checking balances.
Interest rates are variable and subject to change at any time. These rates are current as of 1/24/25. There is no minimum balance requirement. Additional information can be found at http://www.sofi.com/legal/banking-rate-sheet.
*Awards or rankings from NerdWallet are not indicative of future success or results. This award and its ratings are independently determined and awarded by their respective publications.
Financial Tips & Strategies: The tips provided on this website are of a general nature and do not take into account your specific objectives, financial situation, and needs. You should always consider their appropriateness given your own circumstances.
SOBNK-Q324-054